What if
What if it was just a bad dream?
Sunken eyes, jaundice skin clinging to your emaciated frame.
You kept your dignity.
What if chicken soup, a strong cup of hot tea, reminiscing
Nourished your body, stilled your soul, and stirred your heart?
I want to fix you.
What if we refuse to accept, fight the good fight, and claim the victory?
Stolen youth, broken promise, anger and denial consume me.
I want to be strong for you.
What if I’m left behind? You’re only three score and nine.
Selfish thoughts shame me; we were supposed to grow old together.
I need you.
What if I still hear your voice, still see you in my dreams?
I pretend, push the pain away, escape from a truth too hard to bear.
You were the brave one.
What if I stop hiding behind my busy schedule, dare to face the tsunami of feelings?
My mind races with dialogue from yesteryear, with one way conversations today.
Rage and abandonment yield to sacred thankfulness.
What if I honor the gift of your friendship by living large enough for two?
I’ll face my fears; embrace the curiosities and complexities of our fragile existence.
I’ll break the bondage of grief and embrace healing.
Then, my friend, when we meet again we’ll have that cup of strong hot tea and we’ll laugh together again.
2 comments:
I came back to read this again, it's so moving, heartfelt, an emotional ride to memories we have, of Tracy (others too), someone close, who we had to let go, and because it is beyond our perimeter we feel helpless, we have regrets, it leaves an empty part of our heart in us, and also the question "If I had...", and as time goes "bye", the list gets longer. Many times I have "Been there", so I really do emphasize with you in that place. lol xx
Now I see what you mean. Loosing someone close is not something you can get use to
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